WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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