Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
