it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
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I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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