I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
