i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Randomize