honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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