wakey wakey hands off snakey
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I will pee on everything he values.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
i think im in europe. pls send help
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
