I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Will exercising make me less horny?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
