Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
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