census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
