why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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