everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
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it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
what is it with giant penises always finding me
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He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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