I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize