She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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