he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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