dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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