Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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