I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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