i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
