Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
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this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
sex in a hospital.. check
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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