i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize