I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
my being single is dangerous.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
