so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
