nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Can't talk, ducks in the car
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
