I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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