Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
