he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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