Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
