someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
