I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
