I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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