i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
