my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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