Soap is not a condiment
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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