I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
