In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just google imaged poop.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
