You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Actions speak louder than pants.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
