the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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