i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
