In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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