alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
