that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
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It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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