In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
