What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
