Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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