if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i need some magic done to my vagina
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
