listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
