My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
