I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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