The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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