They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Randomize
