You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
