Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
