halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
