I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
