you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
