i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
