Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
