my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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