You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
