my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
