Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He did a backflip because drugs
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
