They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
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You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
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So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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