Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
