ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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