your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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