I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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